Just Talk
Text: Matthew 18: 15-20
So what do we do when we observe harmful or offensive behavior from someone we love? Well, Jesus gives us pretty precise and simple instructions in Matthew 18. We are supposed to go to that person and talk to them. And there are usually a couple of things that happen as a result. That person may hear you and say, “You’re right and I’m sorry. I will change my behavior.” Jesus says that if this happens you have won a brother or sister. But it may also be that the person will say, “yes, but there are extenuating circumstances and a back story that you are unaware of and a framework from which I was operating.” And then you may say, “Thank you for explaining that to me. I understand more fully where you were coming from.” And then you can let it go. If this happens, you have still won a brother or sister.
Now after you have taken that first step and if the person is still not listening and the harmful behavior continues, Jesus says that you are to take two or three other people who are close to the situation and who know and love the person and you are to go and talk to him/her in love. I speak from personal experience that when you do that, the two or three people may say, “Jim, you are too close to the situation and are taking things too seriously. This is really no big deal and you should let it go.” I say, “Thanks for your advice.” And then I let it go. But sometimes the two of three people say, “Yeah, this is harmful behavior and it needs to stop. Let’s talk to the person.”
Now Jesus says that after you have taken step one and step two, which by the way almost always resolves the issue, if the person still does not listen and the harmful behavior continues, you are to take them before the church. It’s helpful to understand that when we think of a church in our modern context, we think of a building, with a congregation and a pastor, and some kind of ecclesiological framework. But that didn’t exist at the time of Jesus. What Jesus has in mind is more of an assembly or a community of people gathered around mutual goals and behavior and one that is bound together by relationship. So when we read this text, think of a community that you are deeply connected with. Maybe it’s a bowling league or softball team. Maybe it’s a music group that plays music throughout your community. When I think about it, I think of a traveling youth softball or soccer team, where the entire family travels from game to game. Some of these kids have played together for years and the families get very close to one another. But if a person within this community is constantly berating the children or yelling at the coaches or referees, at some point, the other people of the community will grow weary with that person and say, “If you don’t stop this behavior, we won’t hang out with you anymore.” That person is put out of the community. Jesus says that if the person still doesn’t listen and the harmful behavior continues, you are to put that person out of the church and treat him as if he were a tax collector.
Tax collectors were very unpopular people in that culture, because they worked for Rome and extorted money from the people. The people hated them. So the big question is, “How did Jesus treat a tax collector?” Interestingly enough, Matthew, the guy writing this book, was literally a tax collector when Jesus met him. Jesus went to Matthew’s house to have a party, with Matthew the tax collector and all of his tax collecting friends. Jesus had no problem whatsoever associating with people outside of the prescribed boundaries of a community. And we shouldn’t either.
So when you have a disagreement with people and you see behavior that you believe to be offensive, go talk with that person. This is so important, particularly in this very caustic and divided culture that we find ourselves in within our nation. Don’t put somebody outside of your life just because you disagree with them. Sit down and talk with them. Because when you do that, you find that you have more things that unites you then there are things that divides you. Today more than ever, we need to talk, and we need to listen. When you put someone out of your life without speaking to them, it not fair to that person, it’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to your community